I can usually be found in a corner, struggling with my latest manuscript. Honestly, it really is usually a struggle. There is always something that trips me up along the way. No matter how detailed I have been in my plotting, obstacles present themselves.
My current obstacle is my heroine. Her name is Bernadette “Bernie” Nolan and she is one of the protagonists in book 2 of my unpublished series Handymen. When I began writing this book, one of the themes I wanted to explore is that of taking one’s life back. Bernie was bullied as a young woman and she has been on a quest ever since to make sense of her struggles. It hasn’t always gone well and she’s made some bad choices. At times, she has underestimated herself, as we all do here and there.
I really wanted her to kick some ass and take charge. She deserves it, after all.
However, at about the 20,000 word mark, I made a realization. Bernie is still having trouble sorting out the mess of her past. She still carries shame and fear.
In other words, she isn’t quite ready to kick life in the ass. In fact, one could argue life is kicking her ass right now.
As much as she wants to be strong, she is beginning to understand just how frail she could become. However, there is a sort of power in such frailty. For Bernie to move forward, she may just have to embrace the emotions holding her back.
Some of these realizations will come to her as she relates to hero Eli Zorn. I love the character of Eli. He’s a good guy and understands the pain of loss. Something tells me he will be the one to help Bernie on her difficult journey.
Now if only I had someone to help me on my author’s journey! I had this story sorted in my head. I pictured Bernie bursting forward in a blaze of glory, ready to defeat her former tormentors. Instead, she and I are huddling together, wondering how we ended up on a more introspective path. We’re clearly learning things together.
Hopefully, once we embrace our frailty, we will emerge victorious.