Birthday ruminations.

Yes, it is my birthday. My 48th, actually, and I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. Give me a year, and I’ll probably love my 48th.

The last few birthdays have been odd. The numbers don’t always sit well with me. I thought it might be cathartic to write a little piece about my birthday feelings.

I should start out by saying I do appreciate all the kind wishes that have come my way. You’ve all been wonderful.

I know I should be embracing each stage. I know this in my heart of hearts. Numbers are just numbers. I should be welcoming in this new year with zest and exuberance.

However, I can’t help regarding my birthday with a good helping of suspicion. I’m on the way to fifty, guys. 5-0.  Now what?

It’s very easy to sit back and start counting all the ways one has failed. I won’t lie. Last night, while falling asleep, I did torture myself with those types of feelings.

“Not good enough.”

“Not successful enough.”

“Not selling enough books.”

“What’s with those wrinkles, dude?”

“Time to dye your hair again.”

For a few short moments, I allowed myself to wallow. And you know what? That’s okay. I accept some wallowing now and then. I think we need to wallow a bit to emerge on the other side. If we don’t acknowledge our emotions, how are we supposed to get past them?

A kind colleague and friend (that’s you, Emily!) noticed my state of mind yesterday. As she pointed out, I’ve done far more than I give myself credit for. Along with my husband, I’ve raised two beautiful young men. I’m so proud of them. I’ve found a way to juggle two careers. I’m surrounded by people who care for me. And, for the most part, I try very hard to send positive vibes into the universe and toward the people I love.

It’s everyday stuff. It’s easy to forget, but I sometimes also forget the impact on others. And I’d like to think I’ve had a good impact on people. I try, anyway.

So, here I stand, in the middle of another birthday, approaching even bigger numbers. As we all celebrate birthdays, no matter the time of year, let us all try to remember a few key things. We’ve earned our wrinkles. Books sales don’t guarantee happiness.

And we are good, possibly better than we think.

I am 48 today, bitches.

4 thoughts on “Birthday ruminations.

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! And even if any of us walked on water, we’d none of us feel it was enough. Happy birthday, eat lots (Doug, get baking) and have a party. 🙂 Then let me know how the carbs tasted. I forgot what carbs taste like. Darny darny


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